21 Sep I try to get pregnant but I can not: should I change my plan?
“I try to get pregnant but I can not” This is one of the first phrases we heard in all of our patients. When a person seeks to have a child and this does not happen, a multitude of negative emotions are triggered which affect the process. Generally, the longer the process lengthens over time, the greater the emotional involvement.
The concept of family
The reality is that the fact of having children, is a mental projection of having a family in the future. And family is an imagination, which each of us has. Each person has his ideal family in his mind, without intending to do so.
The “plan” is sometimes fulfilled, but sometimes not. That is, sometimes when you can not get pregnant, the “non-achievement of the plan” makes us suffer a lot. Feelings of the type are generated: “we will no longer be happy”, “our life will no longer be complete”, “I will always look at the children of others feeling sad”, “my partner will stop loving me” … Should I have consulted the Second opinion from a fertility specialist? “
Sometimes we have a first child and when we want the second child to come, it does not happen. Then thoughts like: “it’s not what I’ve dreamed all my life about,” “now my son will be left alone because of me”, “I will not be able to give him a chance to have a brother”, “will he feel alone?” “Will you blame us one day?”come.
Or even “the plan” sometimes consists of thoughts of this kind: “I wanted to be a father at 32, not at 40”, “I would have liked to be a mother as a couple and not alone” or “I would have liked to be a mother with my genetics and I can only be one through the egg donation“.
What causes these thoughts when you can not get pregnant?
This is due, among other possible motivations, to our need for control. It is difficult for us to accept the changes that we have not decided, those that have been imposed on us in one way or another. Deep down, we know that life is uncontrollable, that sometimes things happen that we could not have imagined or do not happen that we have been waiting for for some time.
The capacity of adaptation that we have on our vital events, will be the one that determines the amount of emotional suffering that we suffer in the future.
What to do to face the “I try to get pregnant but I can not”?
To struggle. We have to try to achieve what we believe will make us happy and fight for it as far as our head and heart allow us despite the difficulties.
Adapt ourselves We have to improve our ability to adapt to changes. Life does not have a single path. There are a variety of routes that we can follow in order to reach the final goal: to be happy with our day to day life.
To accept. When we have struggled to get what we want (like trying to get pregnant) but we have not succeeded, we must also accept the new situation. We must give it for good, after the corresponding emotional work. To be able to be happy also in this new situation.
At Fertty International, you are the most important thing. That is why we have a team of psychologists who will assist you during the fertility treatment. If you have any questions about a treatment or how to start a family, get in touch with us without obligation and we will help you.